Kim McCallie: My Worthy Journey

How many opportunities am I going to get to recreate myself? Two years ago, I would have said none. A year ago, I would have said one. Now, I say as many as it takes to get it right. Because that's what life should be about - continuously trying - creating and recreating - striving to get it right. I've accepted the fact that I'm considered middle-aged now. Some days, it's hard to hide. With middle-age comes assessment and reassessment. And, with those assessments come adjustments and readjustments. Moments of "this is all it will ever be" and moments of "this can't be all there is". I will not give in to the stereotypical mid-life crisis. This moment in the middle of my life is not a crisis but a chrysalis. And, I will emerge better and more beautiful than I was going into it.

"Mama, why are you dieting? Are you trying to look like a normal person?" My then 12-year-old son is not one to sugar coat his words. He asked me this last year when I took him and his older brother out to lunch during spring break. And, although the question bordered on rude, it was actually quite accurate because, despite all of my hopes to feel better about the way I looked, the bottom line was I wanted to look normal. I wanted to walk into a room and not be ashamed of the way I looked. Can I say that I feel 100% normal now? No, because I don't actually know what normal feels like and because, well, I'm me and normal might not be achievable. But, do I feel better now? Yes, 100%! Am I where I want to be? No. But, am I in a better place than I used to be? Yes, definitely! And, knowing that I can improve if I just put my mind to it is my new normal and I love it.

I feel like I spent the entire year of 2016 in recovery mode. I had suffered a severe kidney infection and kidney failure in December 2015. It took months to recover from the situation. In July of 2016, I pinched a nerve in my back that left me in excruciating pain through my shoulder and elbow. I was in physical therapy for over two months dealing with that issue. It seemed like I was falling apart and I was dreading what could come next. I was 47, overweight, and suffering from high blood pressure. I was more than a little depressed. So, by the end of that year, I knew that I needed to make a change. So, I did. I declared 2017 the year I brought sexy back. Sexy had a pretty long way to come... I started walking every morning and evening, just up and down my driveway. I logged step after step and mile after mile. I know I must have looked foolish to the cars that passed by on the busy highway. I was that crazy woman who walked all the time, usually talking to myself, and...

It's too cold. It's too hot. It's too early. It's too late. Well, Goldilocks, the conditions are never going to be just right. There's never going to be a perfect time for you to get your act together. Life is full of imperfect moments. You just have to grab one as it comes by and decide that that moment is the moment that will change everything. That's the moment when you look in the mirror and will face the one person who stands between you and your goals - you. Every day, you make things happen: work, family, life. Make change happen. Make yourself a priority. Everyone else will adjust.

We all have a story and, in the end, it is our story that remains. At the end of 2016, I wondered what remained of the girl I had once been, the girl who didn't realize at the time that she was pretty and had gifts that should be appreciated. It was then that I set out to find her, to see if I would recognize her, and to see if I could entice to come back home. She remained elusive for months. But, I was relentless in my pursuit. I walked for miles on a daily basis chasing her, knowing deep down inside that she was still alive and that, somewhere out there, she existed. I would catch glimpses of her in windows and in mirrors, but she was always just outside of my grasp. Every morning, I would set out determined that day would be the day that I would find her. And, every day, I got a little closer to catching her. Months into the chase, something happened. I saw her walking just a few yards ahead of me. I picked up the pace to catch up to her and I was fear...

It's not about the numbers. It's about the words, the words we use to inhibit, to control, to inspire, and to empower ourselves. I changed my diet and that changed my body. I changed my vocabulary and that changed my life. And, as the days go by, I concern myself less with the numbers on the scale and more so with the words that are in my head. I no longer say that I'm overweight or unattractive or invisible. I choose to be as kind to myself as I try to be to others by saying that I am healthy or improved or just plain better. Because this journey that I'm on is not about weight; it never was. It's about worth and that can't be determined on a scale or through the eyes of others. Worth is inside of you. Change your words and find it.

Hello! My name is Kim McCallie. I am a writer who is on a personal journey to lose weight and to gain worth. And, if I can inspire others along the way, all the better. You're invited to travel with me.